I know it's stupid
 but it was inevitable I suppose,
 knowing what I know now
Who could have known that this time it would be different?
I had expected politeness,
but I had expected remoteness
based on what I knew of such things until now

Five years of polite remoteness.
An occasional flurry of excitement when there was new product
 to promote, to review, money to change hands.
I gambled so much on so little.
Thousands of dollars on a not quite promise,
 on the off chance,  that off chance that never happened.
 A dashed hope.

The heat in London to qualify
for the next round of those
almost passionate kisses they promised so much
yet delivered so little
A frisson of excitement to you
A star burst of emotion for me
That was not remote
What was that, a power game?
 One bright day to place with the others
those golden moments you allowed me
those few moments. That hundred dollar call
that I made
and your excuses and I excused you
forgiving as one absolves an executioner
to show spirit and not despondence
Anything but show your truth
and become open to censure
To display displeasure is too final
Cuts too many chords
Never mind I had beggared myself
on your word, not once but twice
what a fool. your silence disrespects me
A toy to be played with when the wife is out of town